Ashley Smith loses the plot #3

Tuesday 25-10-2016 - 09:14

Disaster struck last week as I was so ill I couldn’t believe it. So much so that if you had told me just one week before that I would become that poorly I wouldn’t believe you.

I must, however, press on with the blog even though I, myself have nothing to write about because I didn’t turn up.

A source (made from the tomatoes picked a couple of weeks ago) told me that wonderful things did happen, obviously when I wasn’t there.

Even more, harvesting took place in terms of fruit and vegetables were plucked from their roots. Now this leads me to quite an interesting argumement about the state of tomatoes as to whether they are a fruit or a vegetable. Common belief is that the tomato is a fruit but common belief can be a misleading and untrustworthy phenomenon. Of course it was once common knowledge that the world was flat. Obviously it isn’t flat because how else do you explain hills and that. Tomatoes, however, appear to be a different kettle of croissant, as like the band MUSE this argument keeps rumbling on.


Here is my take on it…

Scientists and cleverer people than you will have you believe that the tomato is a fruit because it has seeds in it and that it grows out of the ground. This to me appears inconclusive, very inconclusive indeed. This also means that flowers are also fruit and this theory doesn’t work in the type of society we live in. I don’t know how many times I have asked for a fruit salad in a restaurant or bar but I have never asked for extra daffodil.

On a brief side note, I don’t think I have ever asked for a fruit salad… ever! In fact, I don’t think a fruit salad has ever been made since 1957, or sometime around then.

Back to the issue at hand though and I am not sure that a pineapple and a poppy should be put in the same group of things. It would be like having stabilisers but not having the bike, it just wouldn’t work. This, however, takes us to an even bigger vegetation related question, what group do you put flowers in? They appear to be too dainty to put anyway near a tree, never mind next to one. Personally, the whole concept of putting things in groups seems like a massive waste of time as too many plants and animals and all the other stuff overlap into different groups. One could only imagine the chaos that would break out if a platypus was spotted holding a rose of some kind. In conclusion, we should take everything that grows out of the ground and put into one big group, this group would then be suitably named “Things that grow out of the ground” and then and only then will there be an end to the tomato argument.

Other foods harvested last week will appear in the weekly feature…

Ooh, look at the size of them! 

•    Green beans – I know what you are thinking, we harvested them last week “bean there done that”.

•    Leeks – I have been told by a local gardener that you should never take them on board a ship, to this day I have absolutely no idea what he was talking about.

•    Potatoes - You say potato, I say potato. (It doesn’t really work in written form).


On a positive note…

The food harvested goes to a food bank, The Friary (a Nottingham homeless charity). Which is a really good thing for everyone there to get involved in as we all like to help people out sometimes don’t we? Apart from the newt from a couple of weeks ago, I bother to give him a mention and he hasn’t turned up again since he hasn’t even got skype!

Tune in next week because if you found this even slightly amusing just imagine how good it will be when I actually turn up.



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