How to be a good housemate
If you're not living in shared accommodation, you need to know good housemate etiquette.
Though fun and exciting, starting at uni can be disorientating. You leave familiar faces and places behind and move to somewhere where you know hardly anyone (or maybe even no one). And, if you're living in shared accommodation, the weirdness is compounded by the fact that you're suddenly living with a bunch of strangers.
One thing's for sure: you can't expect to bring your old way of life with you intact. You'll meet people from all walks of life with different backgrounds, experiences, and ways of living, and you'll need to adjust to it.
All of this gets amplified when you're living in shared accommodation. You might get lucky and find you instantly click with your housemates and become BFFs, but it's more likely there will be teething trouble as you get to know one another and become acquainted with each other's living habits. And if you haven't found your accommodation for next year yet, head down to our Housing Fair on Monday 6th November - More info here!
Here's how I recommend you adopt good shared living etiquette to avoid any household drama (which isn't worth the stress):
Wash and tidy up after yourself every day. We sometimes become blind to our mess, but you can be sure everybody else notices it. This is one of the biggest sources of frustration in sharing living spaces, yet it's so easy to avoid - just clear up after yourself every day. You may find you have one or two housemates who hold different standards than everyone, which can be annoying. I'll give you some advice on dealing with such people at the end of this email.
Sharing / borrowing. Don't use people's things without asking permission first - it's simple courtesy. They'll almost always say yes but don't make assumptions, as it makes you seem entitled. If someone doesn't want to share something, respect their wishes and don't get annoyed; it's their stuff, after all, and possession is nine tenths of the law, as they say.
Similarly, unless something is super-precious to you, be prepared to share it with your flatmates (assuming you trust them). If you don't want to share something, keep it in your room rather than a communal area to avoid any potential conflict.
Leave your door open (at least in the first few days). Sure, you're entitled to your privacy, but you need to bond with your flatmates in the early days, and keeping your door open when you're in your room is an easy way to encourage this.
Noise. Some people like to live where there's always something going on. Other like the quiet. You need to figure out what works for your house/flat. If you all like the hustle and bustle, you can get away with being noisy together. But if one or more of you likes peace and quiet, you must be mindful and keep the noise down.
Don't use the last of the milk, loo roll, washing up liquid, etc., without quickly replacing it. Being a repeat offender of this kind of behaviour is a guaranteed way to fall out with your flatmates.
Don't act like you own the place - it’s everyone's home. Your flatmates have as much right to use communal spaces and items as you do.
Be respectful of people's differences. One of the most challenging things about living in shared accommodation is that different people have different lifestyles, hygiene standards, values, and habits. Unless someone is deliberately disrespectful, you need to accept that different behaviours aren't necessarily a matter of right or wrong, they're just different, and that's okay.
Of course, disrespectful behaviour shouldn't be tolerated. If someone acts in a way that makes you uncomfortable, talk to them about it. But avoid being confrontational or playing the blame game, as it can quickly escalate and make things worse.
Most people's annoying behaviours are caused by ignorance, not malice. Making someone aware of how something they do makes you feel is often all it takes to solve the problem.
Which brings me on to a wider point: communicate with your flatmates and encourage them to do the same with you. Be clear about your boundaries, how you like to live, and what pushes your buttons. And ask your flatmates to share the same about themselves. It will help you get to know each other and find ways to live harmoniously in your shared space.
If you have to deal with a difficult housemate, keep your composure and don't let your frustrations boil over, no matter how hard it may be. Confrontation generally leads to conflict and only makes things worse. Talk to them calmly and explain how their actions affect you. Try to understand their position and aim to reach a compromise or agreement you can both accept.
You need to work out what's acceptable as a household and have everyone agree to abide by whatever communal expectations you agree on (more on that in a second).
Similarly, if people start playing the blame game with you, don't retaliate, get defensive, or act passive-aggressive. Hear them out. If they have a legitimate case, apologise and move on (apologies are often the best way to diffuse a situation). If you don't think they're entirely reasonable, don't throw it back in their face; explain your position and invite them to see things differently. Again, look for a common middle ground you're both okay with (and be prepared to compromise).
Odds are, you won't have any major drama with your housemates, just common tensions that come from sharing a living space with people. One way to avoid conflict is to have clear shared expectations you all agree on as a house. This could cover things like how tidying and washing up is handled (usually by a rota or some other system), acceptable noise levels, or who is responsible for certain communal duties.
The actual solutions don't really matter. What matters is that everyone is on the same page, and you reach an agreement on how things should be collectively rather than by one person trying to dictate to everyone else how things should be. (If you're that person, learn to let it go.)
You don't have to do this from day one. You may never even need to do it at all. But if it becomes clear after a few weeks that people's different habits or living standards are becoming a source of tension, sit down like adults and figure out a way forward. Otherwise, things will only get worse, and your home, well, won't feel like home.
Hopefully, you and your flatmates all get on well, your living arrangements are chill, and this email ends up being irrelevant. But if that's not the case, at least you now know what to do.
If you're really struggling to solve any accommodation-related issues and need some advice, book an appointment with our Information and Advice team, who have enoucntered all of this (and more) before, and can give you some solid advice.
Okay, that'll do it for today. For more info about what your Students' Union has to offer, take a look at our socials:
P.S. We asked current students for advice on starting at NTU. Here's a useful one to remember in your first few days: "Join a sports club or society; it's the best way to meet people outside of your house or course."
